Shoe Fetish

Friday, August 3, 2007

MY SON MATT

My Tears today, My Forgiveness Tomorrow
As the mother of three, I look at each of my children as individuals. They are so different in so many ways. I strive to be a good mom, a supportive mom and a mom who stands beside my children no matter where their feet land. I look to God to guide me constantly, I pray constantly, I get in his word constantly and I journal constantly. If you were to open one of my journals you can tell which child needs the most “mom and God care” at any given time. I wish Paul would have given us a step-by-step outline to raising our children in a loving home, or a list of what to do and not do, but he didn’t and we have to pray and trust. We just ask God to show up and give us a hand, most of the time he does, but some of the time…we don’t ask and he waits on us.

So that being said, I want to share a little bit about my almost 15 year old son Matt! I fought for almost 7 months to have Matt and have him be a healthy baby (that’s another story) but what I didn’t realize was that the reason I had to start out trying harder with this pregnancy was because this was a preparation for the years to come. Matt has struggled from day one in school, needing just a little more help, making him feel frustrated and alone. He also doesn’t always know how to maintain friendships with kids his own age, craving the friendship of the older crowd. In teen years, identity is a huge burden. Who are we, where do we fit, and who will accept us? It’s not God’s way really but these are REAL questions in the lives of teens and especially my son.
My son looks to role models, people he looks up to, he has a handful and on any given day he will blurt out a statement or a need to be “just like that person.” This tells us that he is striving for better for himself, it’s not a negative, it’s doesn’t mean he is going to be or do what that person does. Take his relationship with another pastor that left our church, Doug Elliott. Matt adored, honored, cherished and maintained that he would be “just like Doug” someday. We loved that about him because like I said not only was Doug a pastor but he met Matt where Matt was, he made Matt feel important so Matt could keep going forward in a way we just weren’t touching on. We praise God for Doug’s touch on his life, we don’t view it as a negative.
I see my son as an incredible giver, servant, lover of God, protective and wanting to please. So many things about these qualities are perplexing because knowing 15 year olds these aren’t qualities that are common. I praise God that Matt found these in himself. He wants to be “like someone,” he wants to be “accepted by someone,” and he wants to be “loved by all!’ Not horrible things if you really think about it. Life has definitely not handed Matt an easy street, he struggles but he overcomes. I love and adore this son of mine who now stands 6’2, wears a size 16 shoe and sounds like a man not a little boy anymore! I look forward to the future for him even though it will be hard, never easy.
Ok, so you either asking why am I writing this or you gave up because ‘it’s too long,” but I need to ask forgiveness from Matt. I get frustrated, annoyed, impatient, and lack the Christ love he deserves from his mom sometimes. I found myself with a heavy heart today, crying lots of tears (which I usually don’t release), feeling like I can’t breathe at the thought that I could not see past the “teen stuff” to realize that there is SO many more great things about my son I wasn’t looking at today, yesterday or I didn’t protect. It pains me when I think I let others show an unkind heart towards the only boy I will ever give birth to, the only boy that is trained by God and his father to be a servant and a giver. He is NOT perfect, he is goofy, he is flaky, he annoys his sisters, parents, friends, he is trusting, he is idolizing, he is looking to be accepted. He deserved and deserves to be accepted, I missed that mark and for that I ask forgiveness!

He is an amazing boy becoming a man…I promise! It just takes a little harder look sometimes!

1 Corinthians 13:7
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

link | posted by Heather McTaggart at 7:34 PM

1 comments

1 Comments:

SANNIE had this to say:: I love matt!!!; August 5, 2007 at 12:24 PM